OK, so I've finally gotten around to updating the whole of my website. Yay! No more Christmas home page I hear you cheer :D
So, if you aren't seeing it you might need to refresh your page or clean out your cache.
Hopefully I should be posting more often again now. I had stopped because each time I wanted to post I just couldn't. Knowing my site needed updating just became a mental block and I didn't feel like I could post anything new until such time as I sorted it out. Well. Now I have. So, in theory, there should be no stopping me now.
It still needs a bit of work, tidying up, links sorted etc. but it's getting there.
Friday, 27 February 2009
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Noah-ism #4
Tonight, Richard and Noah were talking during the bedtime routine. Talking, specifically, about Noah's 'list'. A list he keeps. A list of his friends.
Noah: I have to put down gently one of my friends and take her off the list.
Richard: Who's that Noah?
Noah: Ellie
Richard: Oh, why?
Noah: Due to technical difficulties.
Ahhh, the fickleness of young love. Ellie was his secret crush, the love of his life, the girl he was going to marry. And now she is reduced to being taken off his list, albeit gently, due to technical difficulties!
Noah: I have to put down gently one of my friends and take her off the list.
Richard: Who's that Noah?
Noah: Ellie
Richard: Oh, why?
Noah: Due to technical difficulties.
Ahhh, the fickleness of young love. Ellie was his secret crush, the love of his life, the girl he was going to marry. And now she is reduced to being taken off his list, albeit gently, due to technical difficulties!
Friday, 9 January 2009
Overheard
Just this minute, by me, and uttered by Noah (who is sitting in the play room creating something on the computer):
"This is mediocre!"
"This is mediocre!"
Music I'm Loving
At the moment:
Hmmm, a mixed bag I feel. Very eclectic.
I go through phases with music. Bouts of music playing all the time, all day, never any silence. I set up a playlist in iTunes and just play the same mix of songs again, and again, over and over (obviously more than the 5 songs I've listed above!). Then I go cold turkey. No music playing whatsoever. Complete, utter silence.
I'm in a full on music stage at the moment :D
- Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
- You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
- 7 Things - Miley Cyrus
- Decode - Paramore
- Mercy - Duffy
Hmmm, a mixed bag I feel. Very eclectic.
I go through phases with music. Bouts of music playing all the time, all day, never any silence. I set up a playlist in iTunes and just play the same mix of songs again, and again, over and over (obviously more than the 5 songs I've listed above!). Then I go cold turkey. No music playing whatsoever. Complete, utter silence.
I'm in a full on music stage at the moment :D
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Wishing Everyone A Happy, Healthy, Peace-filled 2009
That's what I'm praying for us this year. I am so glad to see the back of 2008. Not. A. Good. Year.
So any resolutions for 2009? Mine? Firstly to stop living in fear and anxiety. Enough. Is. Enough. The last 6 months I have been plagued with fear and anxiety to the point where I haven't been sleeping well, I've had a constant sharp pain in my heart area and have just felt like I was living under a cloud. It increased exponentially a couple of weeks before Christmas. I know the why's (my brothers suicide in June [devastating] followed by the sudden death of my cousin shortly before Christmas) and my head knows it's ridiculous but trying to get my feelings to listen to my head is not easy at the best of times.
But, as I've said, enough is enough and I am going to make a conscious choice to not allow my feelings to get the better of me. What's the worse thing that can happen? If the most awful, terrible thing happened would worrying about it stop it? Would it make things/life up until that point better? In a word. No. So why waste time in worrying and being anxious?
It seems to be working :D
I fell to sleep last night, as I usually do, praying, chatting over my day with 'Dad' and had the best nights sleep in a long time. Choice. It all comes down to the choices we make. Hoping, wishing and praying that we all make the right choices this year.
So any resolutions for 2009? Mine? Firstly to stop living in fear and anxiety. Enough. Is. Enough. The last 6 months I have been plagued with fear and anxiety to the point where I haven't been sleeping well, I've had a constant sharp pain in my heart area and have just felt like I was living under a cloud. It increased exponentially a couple of weeks before Christmas. I know the why's (my brothers suicide in June [devastating] followed by the sudden death of my cousin shortly before Christmas) and my head knows it's ridiculous but trying to get my feelings to listen to my head is not easy at the best of times.
But, as I've said, enough is enough and I am going to make a conscious choice to not allow my feelings to get the better of me. What's the worse thing that can happen? If the most awful, terrible thing happened would worrying about it stop it? Would it make things/life up until that point better? In a word. No. So why waste time in worrying and being anxious?
It seems to be working :D
I fell to sleep last night, as I usually do, praying, chatting over my day with 'Dad' and had the best nights sleep in a long time. Choice. It all comes down to the choices we make. Hoping, wishing and praying that we all make the right choices this year.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Merry Christmas To Everyone I Know...
and also to those of you who read this blog and I don't know :D
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Just Not Feeling It
I'm trying to but it's just not happening for me this year. I'm fairly sure I know why but knowing why doesn't help me to deal with things and start to get in to Christmas.
I think it's in large part due to this being the first Christmas without my brother. I don't need to expand on that I know. This feeling of moroseness hasn't been helped by the sudden death of my cousin last weekend either.
Apart from that I'm tired. We're all tired. The children are in varying stages of illness, Noah being the worst hit at the moment. Seemingly fine(ish) during the day but very high temperatures at night (around the 39.7 mark), he was almost delirious the night before last. This has meant getting up in the night to see to him, dose him up with Calpol, cool him down with cold flannels and generally just spend some time calming him. It scares me. Which means I can't then sleep afterwards. Which means that basically that from whatever time he wakes up in the middle of the night until morning comes around, I'm not sleeping. At all. I'm just laying there, imagining all the worse case scenarios. I know. It's ridiculous. Some would even say stupid but with the year I've had I just can't help it. I tell myself surely nothing else can happen? That I know in my head he'll be fine but then I lie there sick to my stomach, heart pounding and the fear just grips me. Until the morning comes around and I see that he's picked up again. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.
Then there's all the visitors. This is the main drawback of living away from family. When they come they don't (they can't really) just come for a day, they come for longer. Now this isn't normally a problem but in the last three weeks, I've had 2 different sets of visitors, both staying for around a week at a time and it's hard work. The last visitor, Richard's dad, went back home to Germany today but I only have tomorrow to do a turn around, laundry wise, and then my mum and step-dad arrive on Thursday to spend a few days or so with us. So by the end of this week I will have had visitors, each staying for around a week, for 3 weeks out of a 4 week period.
On a positive note I'm done with Christmas shopping. Both presents and food. On another down note I've not wrapped one single item yet. I've hardly sent out any cards, around a handful. Partly because I put the pressure on myself to make them and partly because I've either been too busy (with work etc.) or too tired or just not motivated to actually sit down and write them. I'm hoping to maybe do this tomorrow. Yes, they will be late but at least they will get sent - eventually!
I'm sure on Christmas morning on seeing the happy faces of my beautiful family I will start to feel it but not now. Not yet. Still too much to do.
Sorry, it's a miserable post but I need to get it off my chest.
I'm going to bed soon, please pray that we all get a good nights sleep and are all well and on the road to health come morning.
OK, off now to try and do something about reclaiming my joy!
I think it's in large part due to this being the first Christmas without my brother. I don't need to expand on that I know. This feeling of moroseness hasn't been helped by the sudden death of my cousin last weekend either.
Apart from that I'm tired. We're all tired. The children are in varying stages of illness, Noah being the worst hit at the moment. Seemingly fine(ish) during the day but very high temperatures at night (around the 39.7 mark), he was almost delirious the night before last. This has meant getting up in the night to see to him, dose him up with Calpol, cool him down with cold flannels and generally just spend some time calming him. It scares me. Which means I can't then sleep afterwards. Which means that basically that from whatever time he wakes up in the middle of the night until morning comes around, I'm not sleeping. At all. I'm just laying there, imagining all the worse case scenarios. I know. It's ridiculous. Some would even say stupid but with the year I've had I just can't help it. I tell myself surely nothing else can happen? That I know in my head he'll be fine but then I lie there sick to my stomach, heart pounding and the fear just grips me. Until the morning comes around and I see that he's picked up again. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.
Then there's all the visitors. This is the main drawback of living away from family. When they come they don't (they can't really) just come for a day, they come for longer. Now this isn't normally a problem but in the last three weeks, I've had 2 different sets of visitors, both staying for around a week at a time and it's hard work. The last visitor, Richard's dad, went back home to Germany today but I only have tomorrow to do a turn around, laundry wise, and then my mum and step-dad arrive on Thursday to spend a few days or so with us. So by the end of this week I will have had visitors, each staying for around a week, for 3 weeks out of a 4 week period.
On a positive note I'm done with Christmas shopping. Both presents and food. On another down note I've not wrapped one single item yet. I've hardly sent out any cards, around a handful. Partly because I put the pressure on myself to make them and partly because I've either been too busy (with work etc.) or too tired or just not motivated to actually sit down and write them. I'm hoping to maybe do this tomorrow. Yes, they will be late but at least they will get sent - eventually!
I'm sure on Christmas morning on seeing the happy faces of my beautiful family I will start to feel it but not now. Not yet. Still too much to do.
Sorry, it's a miserable post but I need to get it off my chest.
I'm going to bed soon, please pray that we all get a good nights sleep and are all well and on the road to health come morning.
OK, off now to try and do something about reclaiming my joy!
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