Wishing Everyone A Happy, Healthy, Peace-filled 2009

That's what I'm praying for us this year. I am so glad to see the back of 2008. Not. A. Good. Year.

So any resolutions for 2009? Mine? Firstly to stop living in fear and anxiety. Enough. Is. Enough. The last 6 months I have been plagued with fear and anxiety to the point where I haven't been sleeping well, I've had a constant sharp pain in my heart area and have just felt like I was living under a cloud. It increased exponentially a couple of weeks before Christmas. I know the why's (my brothers suicide in June [devastating] followed by the sudden death of my cousin shortly before Christmas) and my head knows it's ridiculous but trying to get my feelings to listen to my head is not easy at the best of times.

But, as I've said, enough is enough and I am going to make a conscious choice to not allow my feelings to get the better of me. What's the worse thing that can happen? If the most awful, terrible thing happened would worrying about it stop it? Would it make things/life up until that point better? In a word. No. So why waste time in worrying and being anxious? 

It seems to be working :D

I fell to sleep last night, as I usually do, praying, chatting over my day with 'Dad' and had the best nights sleep in a long time. Choice. It all comes down to the choices we make. Hoping, wishing and praying that we all make the right choices this year.

Merry Christmas To Everyone I Know...

and also to those of you who read this blog and I don't know :D

Just Not Feeling It

I'm trying to but it's just not happening for me this year. I'm fairly sure I know why but knowing why doesn't help me to deal with things and start to get in to Christmas.

I think it's in large part due to this being the first Christmas without my brother. I don't need to expand on that I know. This feeling of moroseness hasn't been helped by the sudden death of my cousin last weekend either.

Apart from that I'm tired. We're all tired. The children are in varying stages of illness, Noah being the worst hit at the moment. Seemingly fine(ish) during the day but very high temperatures at night (around the 39.7 mark), he was almost delirious the night before last. This has meant getting up in the night to see to him, dose him up with Calpol, cool him down with cold flannels and generally just spend some time calming him. It scares me. Which means I can't then sleep afterwards. Which means that basically that from whatever time he wakes up in the middle of the night until morning comes around, I'm not sleeping. At all. I'm just laying there, imagining all the worse case scenarios. I know. It's ridiculous. Some would even say stupid but with the year I've had I just can't help it. I tell myself surely nothing else can happen? That I know in my head he'll be fine but then I lie there sick to my stomach, heart pounding and the fear just grips me. Until the morning comes around and I see that he's picked up again. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

Then there's all the visitors. This is the main drawback of living away from family. When they come they don't (they can't really) just come for a day, they come for longer. Now this isn't normally a problem but in the last three weeks, I've had 2 different sets of visitors, both staying for around a week at a time and it's hard work. The last visitor, Richard's dad, went back home to Germany today but I only have tomorrow to do a turn around, laundry wise, and then my mum and step-dad arrive on Thursday to spend a few days or so with us. So by the end of this week I will have had visitors, each staying for around a week, for 3 weeks out of a 4 week period.

On a positive note I'm done with Christmas shopping. Both presents and food. On another down note I've not wrapped one single item yet. I've hardly sent out any cards, around a handful. Partly because I put the pressure on myself to make them and partly because I've either been too busy (with work etc.) or too tired or just not motivated to actually sit down and write them. I'm hoping to maybe do this tomorrow. Yes, they will be late but at least they will get sent - eventually!

I'm sure on Christmas morning on seeing the happy faces of my beautiful family I will start to feel it but not now. Not yet. Still too much to do.

Sorry, it's a miserable post but I need to get it off my chest.

I'm going to bed soon, please pray that we all get a good nights sleep and are all well and on the road to health come morning.

OK, off now to try and do something about reclaiming my joy!

JYC 2008: Prompt 3

Still playing catch up but as I was enjoying doing this before I was interrupted (I would say rudely but my mum may read this :D ) I'm determined to take back that enjoyment and carrying on with my journal this year.

Prompt 3 is all about christmas cards. Hmmm.... another thing on my to do list!

JYC 2008: Prompt 2 (Mark II)

OK, so I couldn't leave it alone and yes, I'm now significantly playing catch up on the JYC 2008. In my defense this is NOT because I've been pfaffing with improving/changing/revising Prompt 2 (Mark II) but because I've had my mum staying with me for the last week and I've been busy. Very. Very. Busy.

But I have improved/changed/revised my JYC 2008: Prompt 2 entry and it is below for your perusal. Comments welcome :D

Noah's Christmas List

Well, his first draft anyway, he's working on the revised version.

For those of you who can't read six-ese it reads:

• My Sims Kingdom on Wii


• A real wand


• A black robe


• Wizards glasses


• £400,000


• A shop

Now there's a boy with an agenda although I can't help thinking that if he manages to get hold of no.2 on his list he'll be able to acquire all of the rest with no problems!

JYC 2008: Prompt 2

So I'm managing to keep up. I know, I know, it shouldn't be too difficult as it's only day 2 but it's twice as long as I managed last year!



And yes, I still need to upload the credits for yesterdays and I haven't had time to do the credits for todays either but I will... OK?