Antsy

That's how I'm feeling at the moment. I think it's because it's now September, which in some ways feels a little like January. It's a time for new beginnings, new starts, new school uniform, new shoes. And it makes me feel like I want a new start, a new life, a new way of doing things, a new organised home where I know where everything is and don't have to spend time hunting around for those elusive things that other members of this family just throw carelessly into some deep, dark abyss, never to be seen again (I know Harriet came home from school with 3 school cardigans. How many can I find? None!).

The children go back to school this week. What does this mean? For Katarina it means she is entering Year 6, an important year and, for her, an exciting one. She, and her classmates, are now the oldest in the school. They have to set an example, they take on more responsibility. She has her first real trip away. Away from home, away from her family, away from me. She's excited. I'm scared.

For Harriet it means that she is now entering Key Stage 2. She's not really sure what this means - neither do I. More work I'm sure for certain. I think she will see very little change but for Harriet any change, no matter how small, is a matter for worry, for fear, to be overcome. But she is getting better at doing this and I know she is looking forward to her new male teacher. It will be the first time she has been taught by a man but I know that she will do well. She has always related more with men than with women so it will be interesting to see how she does in the coming school year.

And for Noah? My baby? He is starting school for the first time. In 2 days. Noah starting school has more implications for me than it does for him I think. In some ways he still feels like such a baby. He is only just 4 (31st July), he still calls himself "mama's snuggle bug", he still needs help wiping his bum! But in other ways he is more than ready for school, probably because he has 2 older sisters and like any child with older siblings is always striving to do more than they are ready to do. I've noticed his vocabulary increasing over the last couple of months. Coming out with words and phrases he's never used before and using them in the proper context. Trying to spell. He raided my stash of scrapbooking stickers (yes, I do have stickers even if I don't use them anymore!) and stuck some on the living room door - 'M' 'E' 'M' 'S' - "look mummy, that says Mickey Mouse!".

So is he ready for school? Yes. Am I ready for him to go to school? No. But I have to let go. I better get used to it. It is just one of many times that I will have to let go over the years until my children become adults.

I'm still feeling antsy. I want to go through the house from top to bottom. I want to de-clutter (don't we all?), I want to have a Spring cling in Autumn, I want some 'me' time again (not something I'm getting much of at the moment with 3 children home all the time). I want to get started on our house, to stamp our own personality on to it, to redecorate, to be pulling together colour swatches and looking at curtains and cushions and paints.

I'm feeling... I'm feeling... I'm feeling like it's time to get started. Perhaps even get a job?